'Someone's tired!'

I've just re-read yesterday's post, and I can't believe how quickly things can change! I was obviously feeling upbeat and optimistic when I wrote it in the morning, but by the end of the evening I felt total crap.

Andy had a band practice in Newlyn to prepare for a New Year's Eve gig, so I called a couple of friends to see if they were available for me to visit. They were, so I went along, just for a nice social evening. And it was just that, and good to see them and catch up with the news but I came home feeling very unsettled and grumpy and not really understanding why.

It may be partly due to rioting hormones but also perhaps to do with being in Newlyn and remembering what it was like to live there for those three years. We moved there from Bath, where I had run my own business for twelve years, and to say it was a culture shock is a total understatement. I did not know what had hit me and wanted to 'go home' just about immediately - this after entertaining ambitions of moving to Cornwall for several years.

So not an easy time in many ways and I suppose it is good that I have moved on enough to be able to see it as it was and not try to disguise it. But not a pleasant experience last night and I woke up today feeling very off-colour, physically as well as mentally. This afternoon we had to go and buy some bits and pieces as we were entertaining friends tonight, and I was standing yawning at the end of the checkout in Tesco while Andy paid. An old lady said 'Someone's tired' and gave me a big smile like I was a toddler lolling in a pushchair, so I must have looked bad!

After a cup of tea and some chocolate biscuits, Andy gave me a reiki session and I finally began to feel like a human being again. In fact, strong enough to switch on the news to hear about Saddam Hussein's execution. I felt oddly unmoved by it, especially thinking about that Christmas when the rulers of Romania were overthrown and shot. At this time of night I can't remember their names, but there was a real feeling then of relief and a bright new future. Nobody sees a bright new future for Iraq at present.

I don't really want to end this and go to bed on such a depressing note, so I'll just finish by saying that we had a good, relaxed evening, lots of delicious food and wine and a good laugh. A great way to spend a winter's evening.

Wet day - time to tidy

It's a wet day out there today so I'm being virtuous and sorting out my office - lots of bits to finish and things to tidy up. I like to have a clean office for the New Year. I always hope that getting rid of old stuff will open up space for new and wonderful things to come in.

I've been reading The Freelance Writer's Handbook by Andrew Crofts, which I borrowed from the library to inspire me over the holiday. It's lifted my spirits and made everything seem possible again. I can't wait to get started on features and non-fiction and start submitting work. That's what it's all about, after all.

I have been thinking about ideas for a non-fiction book and all sorts of things are coming to mind. I don't understand why we're expected to submit our first proposal before we've even started the units, and particularly straight after the holiday, when we've had no contact with the tutors for weeks. I need to discuss this with Susannah, or I'm wasting everyone's time.

Anyway, don't want to dwell on that. I think I need food, so I'm off to make some lunch.

End of the year - almost

Today I couldn't believe it's only 28 December - Christmas seems ages ago already! I wanted to get rid of all the cards and push on into the New Year. 2006 has been such a difficult year in many ways that I'm anxious to start 2007. It's also been a good year for me, and quite a surprising one. I certainly never expected to end it as an MA Prof Writing student! So I feel that I am now on the right track and I hope that this year Andy will get some acknowledgement for all his talents too.

For most of the year I would have been devastated if you'd told me I would still be in Cornwall at this point. Our house was on the market for six months and four times we had an asking price offer, only for the sale to fall through. It got so bad that deciding to take it off the market came as a huge relief. And spooky how that decision was closely followed by finding the course, as though it was meant to happen all along. It makes me wonder what unexpected opportunities and developments will crop up this year. Best not to know in advance, I always think, just deal with it as it comes along.

Not Imelda Marcos

We slept late again this morning. Maybe it's something to do with the short, dark days at this time of year. I always think it would be much better if we could hibernate till spring. Anyway, it's difficult to climb out of the warm, cosy bed into a cold and dreary morning.

Once we'd managed it, we went to Truro to have a look at the sales. This was motivated by me having a rant yesterday about not having any shoes, which was prompted by Andy telling me we are likely to be invited for drinks by one of his clients - who apparently is glamorous. How helpful, it makes me feel like Felicity Kendall and her posh frock in The Good Life.

This kind of invitation does not crop up very often, and when it does, I always feel I don't have the right clothes - or shoes. Being a student suits me just fine sartorially as I much prefer casual clothes. I can also do business dress, although it's boring. But being smart for an occasion I find much more difficult and prefer to ignore the prospect most of the time. Until the next time, when it makes me cross again.

Anyway, between the temper yesterday and our trip to the sales today, I had already decided I can wear my old standbys, the black trousers, with boots and a top which was expensive, which I hope shows! Which was just as well, because there was absolutely nothing I liked at all. Truro is depressing for shopping. I have vowed to make shoes a priority on our next trip to Bath. I can do boots and sandals - why can't I do shoes?

Christmas Eve blog

I must be a very sad blogger - surely I must have something better to do on Christmas Eve? Well, actually I am just doing a bit of surfing after typing up the end of my 12 page story for Derrek which I scrawled down by hand while Andy was in the sea at Polzeath this morning doing some proper surfing. What a long sentence and no punctuation! Well, it is Christmas! So I now feel I can take a couple of days off with a clear conscience. The time is racing by and I know it will be New Year before I know it, and I just do not want that horrible panicky 'My God, I've still got so much to do' feeling. So, yes, I am a sad blogger.

I will go now and get ready to go and see some friends for the evening. But I'm driving so it will be a very sober time till I get home!

Happy Christmas!

Cold at the computer

Cold again today, especially sitting at the computer all day. My hands and feet get so cold, I have to have a hot bath to get warm again. In the meantime, some supper will help.

I got an email today from my contact at CADI regarding some figures I had used in the article. Good job I checked, as it turns out - it seems they bear no resemblance to what I had written down! Fortunately I was able to alter the article without too much hassle, but it's taught me a valuable lesson about getting facts checked, even when you think you're OK.

Have also written a first draft of the genre piece for Bill this afternoon, which I'm pleased about. I was starting to feel rather disconnected from college and I hope this will start me off on the assignments. I need to get to grips with the form essay for Derrek next. Where has the time gone?

'Have you seen enough, you nosey cow?'

We returned yesterday evening from our pre-Christmas parental trip. As usual it was great to be in Bath, and as usual I got my hair cut by the fabulous Lyn at Luna, who as usual supplied gossip and white wine. I also managed to fit in a visit to my friend Ursula, aged 93 and now living in a care home. Her spirit never fails to amaze me. This time she told me how she had discovered how to unlock the door onto the roof garden, which residents are forbidden to go into at night. She went out to look at the stars, but someone locked the door on the inside and she had to knock on the window to get back in. Luckily another resident heard her and let her in! If I live to be 93, I really hope I will still want to look at the night sky - and be prepared to flout authority to do it!

Even the shops in Bath failed to inspire me with Christmas shopping fever. I saw some lovely things, but it all seemed superfluous. Or way too expensive for an MA student. But on the plus side, I walked back from town to Andy's parents' house on my own after seeing Ursula and was able to look into lighted windows, which I realised I haven't done for ages. OK, it's probably nosey, but there are some beautiful houses and people don't have to leave the curtains open ...

Years ago when I lived in Leicester, I was walking down a terraced street and I looked in one window, which had no blinds or curtains, and there was a man sitting in the front room. As I walked on, I could hear him shout 'Have you seen enough, you nosey cow?' And do you know, I wasn't embarrassed at all, in fact my first instinct was to walk back and shout at him to get net curtains if he didn't want people to look into his house, but fortunately a shred of dignity, or something, saved me.

So today was the first time since last week I could tackle The Article. I was encouraged by an email sent by Nick, saying that with a bit of work on the second half and a suitable ending, it would be very good. I sat down to start it at about 11 and amazingly, it flowed really well, and with a bit of cutting and pasting and a few additions from the CADI literature, it came to 1000 words. I sent it off again and Nick is happy with it!!! Result! He is going to edit it now, of course, but I'm pretty pleased with myself.

Andy went off early this morning to meet a coaching friend for a walk over Dartmoor. He came back saying the friend wants to update his website and would like me to write it! Plus he has a friend who wants a website who would probably be interested too! Oh, and money was mentioned. Well,well, a pretty good day, I'd say.

My brain hurts

Today I have been writing up yesterday's CADI launch for the magazine. It has been hard work trying to extract information, from all the material given out and the notes I made, and turn it into something readable and informative. Because it is so much not my thing, I feel constricted in what I can say and how I say it, in case I make crass mistakes.

I have produced almost 900 words so far and have sent it to Nick for his comments. I'm happy with the first page but need to do some more work on the second and add some 'lighter' material too. And think of a way to round it all off ... Good practice, no doubt.

I won't have time to blog again until next week as we're off to Bath tomorrow to see Andy's parents and then up to Bourne to see mine, and won't have internet access.

CADI

I have just got back from the launch of the Cornwall Aerospace and Defence Initiative - try saying it quickly - at the Maritime Museum. (Yes, I am back in Falmouth already!) This is a group of engineering companies supplying the aerospace and defence industries who are banding together to bid for contracts and apply for funding. I was there representing Business Cornwall and now I have to write it up in an article for the magazine. Not much idea about the angle to take yet, but maybe a good night's sleep and a talk with Nick in the morning will help there. I've also got a few phone numbers of people to ring if I need opinions or confirmation of facts. I also want to check how many words are required. Quite a tough first assignment, it seems to me!

Business non-event

Today I went with Toni of Business Cornwall mag to an event put on by Truro Business School to launch a new advice service for small businesses. Not very well supported by businesses as it turned out - I think there were about as many business advisors there as businesspeople. But there was the woman who runs Dodopad, which seems to be hitting the market in a big way now, stocked by retailers like WH Smith and Waterstones. In the end, Toni decided I shouldn't write it up for the magazine as it would just be free advertising! There has to be a proper news angle for business if it's to make the mag. She always says she has to attend the opening of an envelope and I'm beginning to understand what she means.

That chick in the office ...

Today was the first day of my work placement with Business Cornwall magazine. (See those italics - I am following the in-house style guide. Impressive, huh?) Toni and Nick run it from their home office in an old farmhouse miles down a no-through road near Camborne.

Nick has worked as a journalist for about 20 years, on various local and national papers and industry publications. We talked about how he pulls together the editorial for each issue, which is then sent to the designer on a flatplan. The magazine is printed and bagged just up the road from here at Roche.

He showed me how he adds news items to the website, and I condensed a press release about a new media course at Cornwall College into three short paragraphs, which we then added to the news page. I also used some information sent in by a business owner to write just under 300 words for a feature on businesses new to Cornwall. I hope it will be used in the next issue with a couple more featured businesses.

I had a look at a long press release from Business Link about one of the businesses they assist, but there was nothing newsworthy about it! Quite shocking considering it came from a marketing and PR company which is presumably employed by Business Link to do their PR in a professional way.

And that chick in the office? Ah, that was the feathery kind, rejected by its mother and reared inside, pecking and cheeping as we worked!

Christmas is coming

Term is over and suddenly there are Christmas tasks to be done, like shopping for presents and writing cards. I am determined this year to be as non-Christmas as possible, but I can't abandon it entirely without causing huge offence to certain parties - unfortunately. I'm sure I can't be the only person who can quite happily do without a tree, decorations, cards, mounds of food and hopelessly inappropriate presents.

We have decided to send an e-card to business associates, and donate the money we save on cards and postage to a charity. Due to the hullabaloo recently about the send-a-goat schemes, we are sticking to a local charity, Chicks, which provides seaside holidays for kids, often carers for parents, who otherwise would never get a break. I have now decided to go a step further and send an e-card to friends and family who have an email address, thus with any luck doing good for the environment as well as the charity!

In fact I must start writing some cards now, so that I feel justified in going out at 2 pm as planned! We are going to sign up for a year's membership of the Eden Project for a fiver, an irresistible offer. It's the usual story - just up the road there is a world-famous attraction that pulls in visitors from far and wide, and we haven't been for ages. It will be an excellent refuge on miserable winter afternoons like this one when a walk is not appealing.

Made it!

No blog entry for yesterday, the last day of term. I left home soon after 7.30 am and got back at about 10.45 pm, fit for very little. It was a very enjoyable last day. We had all written a short story on the theme of 'Metamorphosis'. Bill printed them all out and we took turns at reading and commenting on them.

I was nervous about mine for two reasons. Firstly, in my panicky state at the beginning of the week, I had overlooked Bill's request for a story and done a non-fiction piece, which I sent to him about 9 pm on Monday, before our usual midnight deadline. I was just checking through my notes in preparation for Tuesday morning when I stumbled on the instructions I had written down - a story, eeek! I seemed to remember Bill saying Tuesday was OK for this piece, but by then I didn't trust my memory, so I sat down again at the computer and hastily scrambled the piece into a 'story'.

Secondly, I hadn't realised the pieces would be read out and didn't like the idea of such a personal piece being heard by the whole class and then criticised. It was about the death of my much-loved cat, Cleo. However, it turned out OK. Nick was the first person to comment, and in the past he has been quite critical of my work and I thought he might find it sloppy. He did start by asking if we should have a minute's silence, but then went on to say it was well-written, so huge relief!

Having got mine out of the way, I was able to enjoy all the rest and was surprised how few authors I guessed correctly. After a short silly film about Kafka's difficulties in writing his famous story, we drove into Falmouth for the end-of-term meal.

Which was surprisingly enjoyable! I say surprising because for an introvert like me, the idea of a large gathering of people I don't know that well is always daunting, so I wasn't really looking forward to it. As usual, of course, my fears were not realised and it was really good to spend some time out of college chatting to people. It is great to be able to car-share with Sara, but it does mean we are slightly detached from the majority of our classmates who live in and around Falmouth. A shame that we are all going our separate ways now for a few weeks, but I do need a break, if you can call a work placement a break!

Almost there

Only one day to go before the end of term! The editing tests are out of the way, thank goodness, and I have at least an inkling of an idea for my MA proposal, confirmed by my tutorial with Tom this afternoon.

It would have been nice to have had a session focussed entirely on the work we have to hand in early next year, as everyone seems to be wandering around asking each other to confirm they have the right idea and still feeling doubtful. I think we are all also wondering how well we are doing. The only direct feedback we have had is from Derrek and it was good to discover he thinks I am on the right track!

Today Sara said she thinks that being back at college makes her regress to her student days, and I think she is absolutely right. I think I have reverted to my 19 year-old unresourceful state under end-of-term pressure. It will be good to be away from all that for a while and get centred again.

Some good news - the man in External Funding, he say yes! Kamran has talked to his colleague about the insurance issue and it's OK for me to do the placement under the scheme. Phew.

Still no 'f'

My delight at sorting out my work placement may be premature - I went to see Kamran in the External Funding office today to sign a disclaimer and it seems he still has to get the go-ahead from someone else. He was going to leave me a message, but nothing so far, so I don't know.

Similar lack of progress with my replacement student card, which was ordered last week because the original won't let me into the car park. It still hadn't arrived today and Lorette on reception discovered it was at Woodlane. Which was fine as I was going there to see Kamran, so I picked it up . . . and it won't let me in the car park!

And another frustrating session working on my CV page and website this afternoon. I can't remember much of the programme from week to week so sit there waiting for help from Adrian or Matt. I would like to just get it finished but don't know enough to start meddling on my own. Patience has never been my strong point. They seem to think I'm making progress, so perhaps it's not so bad.

I shall be glad when this term is over. I've only done 7 weeks whereas everyone else has done 10, but I'm tired and feeling freaked out about the work to be done over Christmas and to hand in in January. I don't know why I'm feeling that way as I'm good at organising my time and am not really worried about the assignments. Maybe I'm picking it up from other people, and not just at college. Andy was in Truro yesterday and he said the atmosphere in M&S was palpable - people getting stressed about Christmas.

There's no 'f' in funding!

I managed to forget about my blog yesterday - until I was curled up in bed, just dropping off, when it wasn't too difficult a decision to put it off till today!

Some good news from the External Funding office today. It appears that I can do my work placement under the Creative Enterprise Cornwall scheme - and get back 1/6 of my fees! - even though Business Cornwall magazine don't have public liability insurance. Apparently I can sign a disclaimer.

Nick and Toni, who started the mag this year, have moved down from London and are presently working from home, just as so many creative 'incomers' do. They don't need public liability insurance yet because they can do everything electronically. There is a barn on their property which they intend to use as an office one day, and they will probably employ people too, but it's early days for the mag yet.

It would be so stupid if I wasn't allowed a placement there due to such a bureaucratic detail and yet I know from my dealings with the dreaded funding, in my previous incarnation as a business advisor, that there is little common sense in it. I heard of projects funded for several years where the staff had just begun to understand their market and their potential and to make a real difference, only to have the funding stopped and a similar project start up with other funding, staffed by completely different people who were starting again at the beginning. Not to mention all the competetion between different funded organisations for the same market - business start-up advice being a prime example. It really is a very demoralising subject for any down-to-earth person, so I'd better shut up before I get on my high horse. I am just deeply grateful there seems to be a way forward and I'm looking forward to seeing behind the scenes at a local mag.

The coast path

I started working on keywords and descriptions for the bloc site this morning, until Andy returned from the gig in Penzance and we decided to go for a walk and make the most of the sunshine. Gales and heavy rain are forecast for tonight and tomorrow, so we may not get another chance.

We were intending to park at Vault Beach and walk around Dodman Point but as we were leaving, heavy rain clouds were looming into view over the south coast. So we headed north instead and ended up at Harlyn where there were big waves crashing in and lots of surfers - about fifty. At Harlyn you can walk out along the coast path until you are level with the surfers down in the sea, quite an unusual viewpoint and one which makes you appreciate the reality of being pounded by the waves. We walked along to Trevone and back, which certainly blew away the cobwebs.

Rise and shine - not

We got up really late this morning - I switched off the alarm and the next thing I knew it was gone 10 o'clock! We had no appointments and have both had a busy week, so went to Fowey for a coffee and cake at Pinky Murphy's, which was almost deserted, unlike our last visit when we couldn't get in. I like Fowey. I like the combination of interesting shops and busy river life, the pastel cottages and view over to Polruan. It provides a good combination of browsing, strolling and cafe opportunities.

There is a literary festival every year in honour of its famous resident, Daphne du Maurier. I got tickets for the first time this year and went to see Bella Pollen and Justine Picardie. The rain was heaving down and the audience for Bella Pollen was a small group of elderly middle-class ladies in neat, quilted jackets, a token male, and me. I liked her much more than I expected, even when she revealed that her husband is a Macmillan of publishing fame - that's one way to get your first break, I suppose. She spoke very highly of du Maurier's novels which I dismissed years ago as adequate reading for fourteen year-olds. Perhaps I should give one a try.

I have often read Justine Picardie in Vogue and the papers and was surprised the turn-out for her talk was so low. She read from her book about clothes and I was tempted to buy it until I saw how big the print was! I could probably read it in a couple of hours and prefer more pages for my money! She said that she had never expected to write a book, she didn't think she had a book in her, which was interesting in terms of how a writer develops.

Sara and I were talking about this on the drive to college this week, how at first you write about your own direct experience, but that it is probably only after all that has come out that the valuable stuff emerges. But you have to do it before the rest is accessible. In this writing is like life - there are no short cuts to quality results.